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I Live In A World That Really
Wasn’t Made For Me
The coral-sea is such a place I’ve
always longed to be.
But I live in a world that
really wasn’t made for me.
My coffee keeps me
going and my bills, are everyday.
A
relationship that’s useless, so my heart has
turned away.
Age that doesn’t bother me,
but youth I’ve wasted well.
Cars with endless
problems, endless junk I couldn’t sell.
Nothing
here is beautiful, with little to redeem.
And
yet the beauty that I've seen has only been in
dream.
A job that always fills my day, but
never fills my purse.
And customers that make
demands until I want to curse!
People talk to
me of problems—I don’t even care.
Unloading all
their garbage on me, simply cause I’m
there.
I eat to live, and live to eat—to me
they’re both the same.
And now I can’t fit in
my clothes—am I the one to blame?
A pill at
night to help me sleep is something I must
take.
Then thirteen cups of coffee the next
day, to stay awake.
A home that’s needed
cleaning, but this flu won’t let me be,
'cause
I live in a world that really wasn’t made for
me.
Movies are a comfort and my dog a precious
joy.
The goofiness that she portrays with bone
and ball and toy.
I’m desperate for new
furniture, but have no cash to spend,
and dirty
clothes and dirty dishes never seem to end.
It
seems that I was nineteen only several years
ago.
And now I’m almost forty-six with nothing
much to show.
I'm much too low on cash and cannot
get my teeth replaced.
College, I must go to or
my talents are a waste.
Not only that, I need
degrees in hopes of better pay;
I have to do it
now before I get too old and gray.
And as
the years go by, I think a lot about my
past,
and all the boyfriends that I had—thank
God they didn’t last!
My youngest is grown up
and so he now lives on his own.
I’ve earned the
right to have my peace and quiet when I’m
home.
I want to grow my hair long, but it’s
really thinning out
though God still thinks I’m
beautiful, despite my thoughts of doubt.
I wish
I could live in the sea, or like a faery,
fly.
I’d love to feel the ecstasy of soaring
through the sky.
But I am now on borrowed time and
have been over-paid
for all the bitter choices
in my past, that I have made.
I’ve got to
change my life around, with one shot left to
take.
It’s really not too late to see it
through for my own sake.
And if I do, it’s
possible that I might choose to be
happy
in a world that really wasn’t made for
me.
© Cheryl Taul
August 31,
2001
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