But Jesus answered and said, "You do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink,
and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?" They said to Him, "We are able." (Matthew 20:22)

In 2005, I heard the Lord speak to my heart and say, "The grief you have suffered will be equal to the amount of joy I will give you." So, with joy, I waited expectantly for it and to this day, it hasn't come, yet. I knew the Lord wasn't talking about the joy I will receive in Heaven. He was talking about here on earth. The problem was, I didn't understand the process by which that joy would come. It is God's way; Certainly not the way I wanted it but nonetheless, it is His way. I told the Lord, even if He gave me billions of dollars and all the happiness my heart could hold, it would not be worth the torment, hell, tears, anguish, loss and heartache I have suffered throughout my life. As I brought my thoughts before the Throne, I explained to Him that my life has been so difficult it has destroyed a part of me that I will never get back. I went on to ask Him why He would allow so much suffering. Surely if I could help it I would never allow my children to suffer so much grief and loss, pain and sickness. So why would the Lord allow such a thing if He loves us so much and His mercy and compassion is so great?

I didn't get an answer or an understanding until just yesterday. . . .

I subscribe to a Christian newsletter called "Bunny's Words."  In her newsletter was a writing by Kahlil Gibran called "Joy and Sorrow" taken from "The Prophet." I suspect that only those who have suffered greatly will understand its meaning and be able to relate to its wisdom in a Christian sense. It goes as follows. . . .

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine, the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy. Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced. When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Kahlil Gibran

There was my answer and in a spiritual sense, I was right after all. The ungodly parts of me were being destroyed in the process of sorrow, grief and hardship. That was what God wanted.  All of 'Cheryl' removed and more of Jesus to prevail. He wants me 'empty.' The cutting hurts, sometimes beyond human ability to withstand it. Sometimes not. And the more hollow I become, the more joy I can hold and the more of my heart's desires I can contain. As I waited for that joy and the blessings to come I realized  I wasn't going to receive it as quickly as I thought. I didn't understand why, in all of God's power and ability, He didn't just dump it on me!  Now I know it was because there was no place within me for God to put it.

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. (John 15:11)

Let The Cup Pour, Jesus.

Cheryl Taul
© Copyright January 12, 2007